After I Write My Dissertation

I shall write
a series of mystery novels
starring the Traveling Wilburys.
They will all have their respective areas
of expertise—
Roy Orbison is a zombie
with the power
to freeze murderers
with his crystal voice.
Tom Petty can chew
through any substance
with his diamond teeth.
Jeff Lynne baffles,
disappears behind
his Beard of Invisibility.
George Harrison's accent
separates evildoers' skin
from their bone and tissue.
Dylan has no discernable talent.
He spends the mystery
drinking brandy and ridiculing
what everyone else is doing,
saying things like
"Great idea, guys," and "Smooth move."
"Dylan, you prick,"
the man who grooms
Jeff Lynne's beard
during down time back at the mansion
is known to say.
But on the penultimate page
Dylan always prevents
a Wilbury from walking off a ledge
or into a wood pulper,
surprising the others
with his capacity
for love.
Then they sum up everything
that's happened
in a song
just north of mediocre
whose existence
is a miracle,
like entering a nursing home
and finding someone
you know.
In Order to Commit Suicide
Jason Morphew

In Order to Commit Suicide

Jason Morphew

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