In the Future
All entrance exams contain four Morton Feldman questions:
1) List from most accessible to least accessible all 181 of Feldman's compositions
2) Name three people Feldman made love to
3) Hum Rothko Chapel
4) What does sound mean?
In the future,
- All corporate jingles derive from Feldman
- The beat of the human heart has been proven to be atonal
- Before dinner, it is customary to read a Morton Feldman essay or two
- The word "boredom" now means "a state of liminal ecstacy," as in "This sex that we're having on the edge of an Aegean cliff, Turkish heroin electrocuting our veins, is boring"
- To express excitement or approval for the home team at sporting events, the crowd goes silent
- Jazz has been declared silly
- The French are derided as hopelessly narrow-minded
- Density of conversation, as in talking too much when one is talking, and then making no sounds at all when one is not talking, is considered a hallmark of genius
- Anecdotes are traded on the stock exchange, where Feldman anecdotes remain the most valuable. Like this one,
Feldman was dying in the hospital in Buffalo. The cancer had spread too quickly. Barbara was with him, and he was ready, he'd lived a full life, had no regrets. Only one thing was bothering him, the beep of the EKG machine. It sounds like something I would have written, he said. Can we turn it off? Play a record? But the record only brought greater attention. What if I hook one up to all my friends? But that was too expensive. By now, snow was falling into the window's dusk. Feldman took Barbara's hand. I know how to stop the beeping, he said. Then he did.